Author : Anish Kumar K
Company : UST Global
This day was the most memorable and happiest day in my life. And it wasn’t just happened in an overnight rather we waited patiently for this moment. Not for a short time, but for many years. We waited, fought and sacrificed for this day, the day that can stretch for many more years. She was in cloud nine and it was the first time I saw this much happiness in her.
“Did you finalise the destination” she asked
“We will go somewhere in the North”, I said
“I need a unique destination, that’s it” she suggested
That was it. We went to places people rarely visit, met people others rarely care and bought things people ignore. She was like that. The uniqueness in her character made her distinct.
20 December 2013, Friday
Like many others, my weekend starts with Friday. The thrill of enjoying the weekend overcomes the boredom and doziness of work and gives an unexplainable rejoice and enthusiasm. On that day, we were going to eat dinner from outside and planning to go for a movie after. As soon as I took the car from the parking lot, I saw my phone was vibrating. It seems to be that the phone was yelling at me ‘Wife calling’ ‘Wife calling’ as I didn’t notice her previous calls.
“Thank God. I feel so happy now. Did you inform anyone?”
“No. I called you the moment I confirmed that” She replied from the other end
“Okay. Let me call our parents” I was so excited to tell them that their son is going to become a father
“Wait Karthi. I need to know the baby’s gender”
“What?” I asked perplexedly
“I want to know the gender of the child” She reiterated
“I heard that. But that is illegal here. Don’t you know that?” I expressed my concerns
“You speak to your friend, Hari. He is working in SPS hospital, right?
“Yeah, But I don’t know whether he agrees or not” I tried to change her mind
“Give a try. Please Karthi” She pleaded
After hung up the phone, I thought why she was so insisting on knowing the gender of the child. I wanted to wait anxiously for 10 months until the nurse say “Your wife gave birth to a girl child”. But I had never seen her being curious about anything. She had never been so stubborn like this before in anything except in our relationship. Probably that is inherent in her character and she can’t wait anxiously for 10 months until the nurse say “You become the mother of a baby girl”.
22 February 2014, Saturday
Hari was a close friend of mine and was now working in the Gynaecology department at SPS Hospital. His wife is also working in the same hospital but in the Psychiatric department. Even though we met Hari on the very next day, he advised us to wait till late February when she reaches the fifth month of pregnancy. Initially, Hari was reluctant to disclose the gender of the kid. Finally he agreed to reveal the gender verbally. After hearing the kid’s gender, Swathi seemed upset. This was the first time I had seen her much distressed after the marriage. On our way back, she laid back in the left seat of the car, looking outside through the window pane and pondering something. She didn’t speak much and I didn’t ask anything. I left her alone as it is hard to talk to a girl when she is upset. So I focused on driving listening to some old Hindi songs. Finally, we reached our home in half an hour.
“I am talking to you for so long. What’s wrong with you?” I asked with a little frustration. But she continued her silence staring at the floor with the pretension that she didn’t hear my question.
“Swathi, why are you upset”? I asked raising my voice
“I want to abort the child” She replied breaking the silence
“Wha..whaa..” I stuttered. “What?”
“I can’t give birth to a girl child” She clarified
“What madness are you talking?”
“It’s not madness Hari. I can’t do that. That’s it” She walked away to her room and shut the door.
I tried to convince and change her mind. But she was so adamant and all my efforts were in vain. The distress I had been through didn’t affect her at all. She just wants to abort the baby, an innocent child for no reason. First time I felt that she was not paying attention to my worries and concerns. Finally, I had no other choice but to give permission to abort the child.
12th March 2015, Thursday
After nearly one year, she got pregnant again. I got the same phone call like the last time. I was more anxious than happy as I don’t know what she was going to tell this time. As expected, I went through all the previous activities.
“I want to abort the child”
“What the fuck are you talking? This is the second time you are saying the same thing just because it’s a girl”. I said angrily losing my temper
“I told you last time, I can’t give birth to a girl”
“Are you fucking mad? You are such an evil.” I cursed
“Call me whatever you want. But I won’t give birth to this child” She was stubborn in her words
“Tell me the reason bitch”
“No reason” She said a little agitated
“Then what you want me to do. Just fuck you every night. Haa” I grabbed her hair and shouted. “Tell me, I want to know the reason now”
“So, you want to know the reason, right?
“Yes, otherwise you gonna die here”
“You, you are the reason because I fear you will rape her, molest her and fuck her” She shouted furiously
For a while, I was shocked and can’t comprehend what I just heard. I took my hands off from her hair and left the house. When I came back at night, she was in her room, lying in the bed staring at the roof nonchalantly. I didn’t speak to her. I decided to move out of the house and live separately.
17th July 2015, Friday
After staying two months separately we filed the divorce notice. I heard from Hari that Swathi consulted Hari’s wife for some treatment. As I was not interested in her life anymore, I didn’t ask anything about it and hardly met Swathi after. I found peace and happiness in my lonely world. On this fine day, when everything was tranquil and peace, Hari’s call woke me up.
“Hello Kathik, Hari here”
“Hi. Why in the early morning?” I asked with little drowsiness
“Swathi died. Suicide.”
A lightning of pain struck in my mind and I went numb. My heart started pounding as soon as I felt the pain. The girl whom I wished to live my entire life with had left me. Though separated, the death of Swathi was unbearable to me. Another monsoon, another pain, another bereavement, I thought. Every Monsoon brings some sorrow and memories fall along with the drops. It takes this memory also and brings it next time intact and pristine. So I fear the monsoon because I am uncertain what it will bring me next time. May be on one day it will come and take me, leaving all the memories behind.
The rain was torrential when I reached her home. She exhaled her last birth in our bedroom and her body lay on the floor solemnly. She was not furious but quiet, resembling a non-tidal sea. I sat near to her and looked at her face. The hot blood in her body stopped circulating and skin appearance changed. I gave a peck on her cheek and tried to control my emotions. But my love overcame my self-restraint and I wept. When I was about to leave, I saw Hari and his wife were waiting for me.
“Karthik, come to my home please. Dhanya wants to speak to you” He approached me and said.
“What about?” I enquired
“I will come tomorrow” I replied and left the house.
18th July 2015, Saturday
Hari and his wife were there when I went to their home the next day. It was Dhanya who started the talk.
“When you got divorced, Swathi came to me to discuss her problem”
“What problem?” I asked
“The problem she is having with the abortion. When she was young she had been molested and sexually abused” She divulged
“By her father”
“What? Her own father?” I asked when hearing something unthinkable.
“Yes. Her own father!” She reaffirmed
I couldn’t speak for a few minutes and tried to believe what I just heard. “So she expected the same from me? Oh God!”
“Yes. And I wouldn’t blame her because the childhood sexual abuse adversely affected her mental health. She was undergoing treatment for psychiatric disorders in our hospital. Unfortunately she didn’t let that complete”
“Why didn’t she tell me this?”
“Because she is embarrassed and ashamed. Many cases like this are happening but only a few are reported”
On my way back, I felt remorse for the decision I took. Sometimes, people take some decisions with justifiable reasons which they do not want to disclose. It might be frustrating, distressing and infuriating. But it is always better to wait patiently to understand those reasons before hastily taking any decisions. If I had done that, a poor girl could have been saved.