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Srishti-2022   >>  Poem - English   >>  Home that never was

Aarathi A Panikkar

EY

Home that never was

It did not hurt when I left my parents,

’Cause I was never theirs to begin with.

 

But leaving my parents’ house,

Has left me distraught.

 

It was never a home,

Just a house.

 

But it was also my paradise by the river,

Where ruby red java-apples and jade guavas coloured my woeful days.

 

It was my treasure trove where I buried myself under precious paperbacks,

And sank sorrows in beloved diaries.

 

It was my castle where I’d imagine myself to be Rapunzel,

Longing for a Prince Charming to gallop in and salvage me.

 

It was my fortress that guarded me,

When wretched tongues wrapped their wrath around me.

 

It was my dungeon I hid myself in,

When wanton hands came calling for my 'child-lady' parts.

 

It was my safest haven of long-lost memories,

Where sipping hibiscus and plantain flower nectar was among the sweetest.

 

It was my happy place where my heart always boomeranged to,

Every time pearls of rain impregnated the dry earth, pervading me with petrichor.

 

It was my sanctum sanctorum that I found peace at,

When all the gods I kowtowed to, failed me repeatedly.

 

But now it feels like my roots got severed from under me,

My toes have been chopped off;

 

And I know not how to hold myself to the earth anymore,

The world as I know it, has ceased to exist.