I will remember you when I see a snowfall,

For it will make me miss the warmth of your palm when u held mine...

I will remember you when it rains,

For it will make me miss the drizzles we watched through those neon lights...

I will remember you when my pen scribbles,

For it will make me miss the times you told me how much you love my words...

I will remember you on a silent night,

For it will make me miss how noisy it was with you...

I will remember you when my taste buds are happy,

For it will make me miss how they were the happiest around you...

I will remember you when I hum a song,

For it will make me miss the most ardent listener of mine...

I will remember you when I am lost,

For it will make me miss the one who could calm me by a simple gaze...

I will remember you when I look good,

For it will make me miss the most heartfelt compliment...

I will remember you when I am at a beautiful place,

For it will make me miss the one who can make it feel the prettiest with that wide grin...

I will remember you when I hear someone talk about love,

For it will make me miss the one who meant the same as it...

Tonight I'll sit, in the

cockpit of death,

And I'll hover in the sky

Where notions fly high.

My remains are not still,

Yet cold, deep inside

Feels like a mermaid who

Swamp wild in tide.

The ocean is green and

I'am up in the blue,

There I see dark stars

as my eyes bear no light.

Vague are the sounds

as the breeze uncover,

My path is unclear yet

I hear me steer.

My pain is still wet, and

so I ponder my thirst.

Twilight of lust I touched,

rest all dust, but bloomed.

Dagger inside got stained

as my heart bleeded red.

Then I mourned for love

Though strangled by fate.

You drown into the spiral of life

that was never meant to be-

trying to not sell metaphors of being alive

Yet, you dig your fingernails 

into the cracked earth,

the skin underneath cringing at 

every filthy revelation 

shouting the time you held their faces,

felt their jawlines

inside your palms

only to crush their skulls 

that erode with your souring breath.

You keep looking through the hollow frame

that once held your memory map,

telling every stranger

that their name reminds you of something,

somebody,

a mysterious woman,

a funny man 

who once was your favourite neighbourhood. 

You repeat their name. 

Hanging in there with your mouth parted, 

gobbling the emptiness in the eyes of the person

standing in front of you

like a poison

and failing to sense it to be a sign of unfamiliarity.

You were never into reading people anyway.

(Does finding their eyeballs floating in pointlessness 

and mouths making weird shapes count?)

Aren’t we all humans with similar stories? 

World spinning, days crashing, poles kissing- 

winning, rotting, embracing the hollowness and bones.

People laugh-- 

As their collective madness makes you dance on high tides 

on full moon days

waves crashing the sand castles from your past,

the last glance at it collapsing 

before grabbing your hand; 

a forever lost in the sea of faces.

No last words.

No witnesses.

No faces to remember.

Everywhere you find them

left to right and top to bottom

Grabbing the bribes from the dens of hell

to the house of heaven denying justice

everywhere you find them

They came in white with the feather of an angel

snatch your truth and reality.

everywhere you find them

left to right and top to bottom

They corrupt your mind ,feed on your fear

drag you to the pit of darkness and misery

mutate you to one of them ,a bastard.

everywhere you find them

left to right and top to bottom

Afraid of the will power, afraid of the light

afraid of reality, afraid of a smile

running from the truth, hiding from kindness

digging the holes of lies

everywhere you find them

left to right and top to bottom.

Fuse with every colour and group

run with every blood

walk with every sins

everywhere you find them

left to right and top to bottom.

Truth is the key,wisdom is the weapon

smile is the shield,will is the army

light is the warrior angel,

everywhere you find them

left to right and top to bottom.

Everywhere you find them

left to right and top to bottom.

But does it matter ?

,no it doesn’t matter because

some created the god,some created the devil,some are powerful beings

some can crush them and have for dinner

defend their uprisings ,enjoy the dreams.

In a longing sight, I saw the morning dew,

bright like a gem but with a transient smile.

All in life is like a dew drop,

captivating by the presence but for the fleeting moment.

All in vain of strain I felt,

Gust of memories haunt my thoughts,

for I am bound in material chain, thriving

for something like a dew drop.

I have roamed through the ancient lands to

humble villages, from slums to extravagant cities, all

to find the path for peace at heart.

Just to learn the philosophy offered by the sight of a morning dew from my window frames.

In search of blissful happiness,

I traversed through the world so high,

mountain tops to ocean depths, I

wander for that soulful smile.

Glittering smiles as bright they glow

entrenched deep with dark and foes.

Flickering thoughts they disturb me,

for I am deceived through the tool of trust.

Is the tears and smiles I see is,

true or forged with beckoning craft!

Like the rainbow we per-see,

the word 'humanity' is a fugazi!

From the mountain tops I see, and through the chilling ocean beds,

I felt no wisdom rather than the warmth,

I got in my mother's smile, there lies trust and soul,

I seek and the larger sense of 'humane' I want.

The squirrel kept jumping in front of me.

I sat on the terrace after work

Wondering from where

 The squirrel comes at night.

It stared at me as I sipped

My hot cup of tea in the night

Watching the sky.

It came closer to me when I 

Offered it a nut 

Which it didn't even touch.

It jumped on my hand 

Then to the shoulder 

And again to the other hand

Then to my stomach.

I carelessly sat there enjoying 

Its dance on my body 

Staring above the sky

Confused whether to count the moon with the stars.

The squirrel jumped to the trees

I looked around 

I can't see it but can hear it

I kept looking on the branches 

Searched it with a torch 

But I see no signs of it.

I know where it went

It went its own way as usual .

Leaving the nut which I offered.

I stared the cloud covered sky wishing that

I could also be a squirrel to someone in the night.

He wanted to feel her presence but he couldn't, she's far away.

He wanted to see her eyes staring at him closely but he couldn't , she's far away.

He wanted to feel her breath closely but he couldn't , she's far away. 

He wanted to hug her closely but he couldn't , she's far away. 

He wanted to hear her voice deeply but he couldn't , she's far away. 

She's far away, she's far away, she's far away.

As the sun dives into the horizon

Splashing pink on to the sky

Splashing ink on to the paper

I sit back clueless

I lie back to see the pink fade into a blue mess

As the light fade into a memory of it

As the time made more and more of it

Where is that I fit

Will this night be lit at least

Why I for me is so significant

Knowing it’s going to end up in grit

Do I have the grit

I ask me on repeat

My feelers want to conquer and defeat

Everything that hurt my beat

Why my feelings are in this discreet fleet

I am just a distress with feet

These feeling such a trick, where is the treat?

This fire is flickering

Not letting the darkness win

But darkness, it finds a way to slide in

This fire is fighting

Is that the right thing

A light from the burning

The white of the ashing.

I meant to resolve these conflicts

I went to dissolve this love deficit

And it’s the night when it hit

These thoughts too many

And I have gone too tiny to fit.

Hiding it under wit

Playing it cool, I sit and I control

That’s how I roll

This unending unsureness.

I am drunk 

My breath may smell like the 

brewery across the street 

But these words, they share the

same fragrance as yours.

Tomorrow I will be sober

But these words will be cogent 

enough to pierce into the hearts 

of the lovers yet to be born

And you will live forever my dear

Cause all of this, is about you

I have made you eternal,

These whimsy words behold you

I remember the last time you

slowly placed your head against 

my shoulder.

That corduroy shirt still remember the way

its soft fabric folded under your

dimpled cheeks

And everynight I wish if

I could hold you again

Women I wish 

If I could feel the warmth of your

Touch

Dear,In my dreams 

We are still together.

I remember the last time I listened to

your heart, beat 

Yours were in sync with mine

That felt as if we were transcending 

space and time

Everything genteel I ever had is 

Intervened with you

It seems all my memories 

the good and the bad

Is interlinked with your

Beingness

Dear,In my dreams 

We are still together.

I have more tears than ink,In this page

It is unfortunate that I could not 

Give you a parting kiss

But dear,

My lips fulfilled their life’s purpose

The moment they touched yours.

Maybe that's why they never longed 

For a cold kiss

And my dear

The days are not days

Without you 

You were the finest sun.

My muse!

My muse!

I come from great heights

Covering long distances without fright

To meet and greet God's creations

Which makes me unknowingly jocund.

I've always been munificent

To appreciate works, magnificent.

For mankind has been servile,

Since time immemorial.

I saw him failing,

I saw him falling,

And then he stood up

With an unbreakable will.

Things never remained as the past

He had changed so fast.

My heart breaks when I remember

Those brutal moments with impious treatments.

What has preoccupied his mind?

Why isn't he kind?

Did we come across

Any inextricable separation of life?

He is putting barriers

Without knowing that he is a Savior.

His artifacts scattered across my bank

Appears like a blood sucking vampire.

He has atoned my flow

And I see my end glow.

My Odyssey is nearing its end

With the cry of a happiness, long lost.

He has played such dirty cons

Which has made me stand all alone.

As I approach the sea now,

I pray, "Angels, please keep him safe".

For no matter where they go,

For no matter what they do,

My love for them will never lessen

For they are God's adorned creations

Drenched in this quenching thirst,

sand dust piercing through my eyes,

I lay my my foot into the heaps of sand which keeps multiplying before my eyes.

Step by step, I try to move forward,

to find atleast a tinge of green,

an oasis, to soothe my thirst.

But for now, all I can hope for is a small green plant.

I yearn for the days, where I splash the water, swim across the deep blue sea under the deep blue sky,

not to soothe my thirst, but to soothe my mind's hunger.

But for now, all I can hope for is a small green plant.

Far, far like a misty dream, through my quivering sight, there it was.

Something green, something blue,

something big or small, something which I don't know is real or not.

But it kept me going, pushing my weak shivering body, to move ahead, to climb up the sand dunes.

I know not, what lies ahead of me,

a tree, a small pond or an oasis?

But for now all I can hope for is a small green plant.

Crawling through the sand, I go, reaching for my oasis,

to find out that yet again, it was only a mirage.

With shattering hopes and withering dreams, my body is pleading for rest.

The war was still on, my mind trying to keep me going, to keep me alive fighting against my thoughts and feelings.

Trembling, I stand up, not ready to give up, to continue this journey, to continue my quest.

But for now, all I can hope for is a small green plant.

The moment I realized I am goanna to become mother

I was overwhelmed with joy, which words can’t explain

I started my journey with all ecstasy

I popped up myself to a fairy land of motherhood

Dreamt of pampering my kid, playing with my little one & whatnot

But to my dismay I lost my child……

My body & soul was yelling with pain

The agony I gone through was nothing it could be

I was drained, completely drained off with everything

My mind was flickering through a trauma

I felt like drowning myself to another world

Where everyone surrounding me was novel to me

I wept hardly, squealed to all in vain

I am not ready to accept that my world was no more…

The roller coaster of emotions kicks me to reality

Yes ,God has taken back my precious gift

My darling wants her supermom to be happy

So I arose like a phoenix bird,

Where my child is no more…..

Memories down the lane I will always engrave you my dear.

I heard someone mumble, “Charity begins at home”

My mind gave a subtle mock chanting- Charity begins at HOME

December 24 6:30 PM 

Dizzy lights-dull cracked walls-cob webs in unseen corners-introverted indoor.

Momma was sick

She had a BP spike with severe pulsation.

She was literally rolling on the floor in palpitation.

He questioned, “Is there any need to go to hospital?”

Get her some water- I have to go to church.

He left.

Treading towards church….

Hey! Cracker, come to church and get the new dress and rice, hope your treatment is going well.

Call me if you need any help.

Everyone at church praised him,”Such a generous and kind man”

Christmas eve went with prayers, wishes, cakes and fireworks.

He came home at 12.

Mom waited to serve him.

Perfect silence aced the air as USUAL. 

He dined and slept.

Her routine indoors resumed forever!

I witness stillness - the unbearable part 

of existence.

The emptiness is a continent shifting 

into my chest. 

Moths flutter on monsoon nights.

The grimy electric street lamps spitting

yellow with a gentle flicker. 

The pale dying evening light

beckons me-

And says 'pour'. 

Pour your mind onto the paper.

What do I write when everything I think of is 

a replica of a dismantled human dream? 

I pray to the good God and try to

wash the morbid vocabulary.

Tongue, brain and hands - cleansed 

with mirth. 

Cleaning the dripping ink, I try again/

The theory is raw again. 

Let me come back to it when I know the 

whereabouts of my own voice. 

For now, it is cautiously quiet inside.

That old stone bench or the bed of grass,

under the lamp light, I used to stand

the evenings we spend comes in my mind

nobody knew, even god, you, or me

those precious things will be locked in no time!

The convos, the stories made up or not,

I enjoyed sharing to you with no doubt.

You used to give me that smile even though,

You knew I was bluffing without any clue.

I wonder how fast this time has travelled,

I'll find your scent in our place as promised.

My mother and me; that place and eve

will live in my mind, forever rent free!

Between my thighs,

He ignites

The fire in me !

We dream

To ride to the end

Of the endless world !

We dream,

So wild !

A dream that can end

my never-ending nightmares !

Culture they say,

Tradition they say,

You get raped politely !

Not just genitals,

Even their foul mouth does it !

For they can rape my body,

And not my soul !

If I don't shut my thoughts,

They call me a "slut" !

If I don't shut my legs,

They call me a "bitch" !

Never mind !

It's time to spread my legs,

Like a "Boss Bitch".

Miles on Miles, I keep riding,

Not in search of what I lost.

Miles on Miles, I keep riding,

But to get lost on the roads.

Miles on Miles, I keep riding,

Until I find a no-man's land,

Just the roads

And my metal beast

Between my thighs !

Priceless is the truest of bonds

That ushers through all taunts,

Distant from an eye's snare

Bonded by heart's layers,

Minutes to spare was perceived as a waste

As eyes to wait were in haste.

Solace hidden in the seeds were discovered

Never was its priceless estimate rediscovered,

Pitched in never, a hand to support it nourish

To succor mother earth flourish,

Blooming of flowers was scheduled

But watching them was rescheduled.

Splendid was the monsoon nights

When decked up was the town with magic lights,

Stupendous news to deliver, clouds had

Forbearance to hear the whispers, no ears have,

Low murmurs rumble like thunder

With not a soul to enjoy the wonder.

Ages ago, my brush took flawless rounds

To complete the towering mounts,

But with flying times

And changing minds,

Like the caged parrot at night

Did I hide my talent from sight.

Until the day I woke

When the realm was at stake,

Armored in defense of the unsung song

Of deaths and hassle for long,

With fear in each eye

With panic in each sigh.

Baby steps kept with caution

And grains supplied in portions,

To help us from being clogged

When the world was locked,

With the nation stumbling from evergreen progress

To complete regress.

These days did I ponder

That absence makes the heart grow fonder,

To delve the happiness in a glance

And sway as in a trance,

To fondle the rain patting on the face

Dashing down the cheeks as in a race,

With colours rebounding to my achromic life,

And painting my plodding soul.

At this juncture of world's fall

Did I realize life's call,

To either chase the horizons unseen

Or embrace the relations known,

Little happiness did I ultimately choose

Than barge behind the mirage unknown.

The light of dawn seeped into

And there I caught my eye to the masthead of a book,

the soul characterized was portrayed on its jacket.

She looked wrinkled, lil bended,

her eyes speaks.

Each leaf revealed what she was

an Albanian, who chose the slums of Calcutta.

She meant adversity as an opportunity

adopt destitute as her tribe,

aid the fallen, healed messed minds.

Her hymn echoes, truly endless..

the gracious, edified the humanity as race,

love as religion and gesture as prayers.

This reasons, why creations bear her name in mind

and this reason, why creation narrate her as mother.

Seems like the plates I had food clean by itself before, 

But why Iam missing that miracle now? 

Oh yes... Mom is not at home! 

Seeing me after long, alarms shouted "where were you? "

I replied, "My Mom was with me"

Kitchen smiled and asked, "You still alive? "

I smiled back "Mom never allowed me to meet you! "

Yeah.. Being with Mom is a never ending childhood..! 

When I was wandering in my thoughts, I heard a voice,"Mom.. I am hungry"

Yes.. Being a Mother, it's time for me to wake from my comfort zone... 

Since the little girl is following me, 

Need to be the best Mom ever.... 

Looking into her cute little eyes, 

I promised, "I will be my best possible version dear... Only for you!! "